November 5, 2009

Volume One

Beach glimpse. I discovered fountain pens, and that I could take the cartridge out and paint with it.

Himself: A week of few jobs listed online. No response to from anyone. He relisted the bike on Craig’s List. No response to it last week. One email today. We will take it. He’s angry and arguing with me often now.

Herself: Still coughing. Won’t put up with arguing. Went to Store today to mark last of the holiday stuff. Tomorrow first more marking, then class, and finally at 4pm, we set up the holiday boutique. G’s coming to lift boxes.

Reading: For some reason, I find I’m so busy that I get little time to read.

Balance: The fogs.

Changes kept happening.

There we were at the beach. Summer arrived, and Lessa was out of school for the duration. Lenora arrived to spend a few days with us, and I mourned her leaving again even as we spent time together. Lessa and Lenora continually argued unless Lessa needed defending then Lenora was right there on her side.

Her father’s truck broke down, and I celebrated the fact I would have more time with Lenora before she left.

And all of us were living in a small one bedroom beach apartment. My old friend Rob came to be a roommate…in the living room, I had the bedroom, and for privacy Lessa had the walk in closet as her room. The sunny kitchen and tiny bath were shared.

Rob gently called me on my drinking.

I recorded every party, every friend who came to visit, and often I began writing when drunk filling the pages of my book with drivel into the dark hours of the night. I’d wake up in the morning and tape those pages shut. Many of my long term friends couldn’t stand my drinking and drug use any longer and began fading out of my life. They thought I was going to die. I recorded it all fulsomely. Weeping at my aloneness.

Lenora watching TV at F’s house…Grandmama we called him. 1975.


  1. I have been away painting -- away from the computer, that is. I am not good at multitasking. I am catching up on your life, your old life, as I have discovered. I love the old sketches. I guess I can look forward to one every day this month, except that I will miss one day. I cross the international date line to go to New Zealand and never experience the 14th of November.

  2. What a LOVELY sketch this bad sketch is! And how wonderful that you kept it. And yes, dear Maggie, only Yes's for you. :):)

  3. G's under a lot of stress now, as are you I might add! It's really hard, but I'm glad you're keeping busy.


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