March 10, 2012

Fellowship




Enough chairs plus a rocker. Simplified since this 2011 picture too.


The sun is out, the days have been warm but windy, and I am doing pretty well.

I did manage to finish the architectural comparison essay and even get a little editing done. Maybe it will be done in time to read next Tuesday. Work was lots of fun Wednesday, but by Thursday there were few donations for us to work with. Still it was fun.

We were both invited to speak yesterday on the topic of “fellowship”…something that’s increasingly hard for both of us. When we met, I was a very gregarious, loved my friends person while he isolated in learned comfort. We were told that one of us would become like the other, and, in the beginning, he learned to like my hoards of friends. Then they scattered or died, and I too devolved into some form of social isolation. Though I volunteer, go to school, and do service work, I am still isolated. I find I don’t reach out and make the extra effort toward friendship.

Perhaps it’s a function of the age. Where once the crowds gathered in the living room and the phone answering machine asked if someone would like to speak to, “Findley, Huney, Hawkins, Hawkins, Parr, Harris, and Bailey,” today there is just us. No gatherings. When we moved in here, I counted the chairs in the living room to make sure there were enough. Today, it doesn’t matter…a sad answer, and I know this happens to everyone at some level.

My grandma was a social person. Every afternoon there would be something happening with others in her life. My parents really isolated. Easter and Christmas they would have family plus someone from the USO. Once or twice there were guests for dinner in the twenty years we lived in that house. One time they gave a party. After my father’s death, mother remarried a very social guy. They partied on the boat, at the club, on other’s boats. By then I was long gone and those patterns weren’t mine to learn.

So today, the Geezer and I are making great efforts to unlearn the behavior of isolation. I’ll let you know how it goes.

13 comments:

  1. I think it's harder to make real personal connections when everyone else is talking with their thumbs. And I, being old enough to have my own opinion, choose not to join that crowd.

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  2. I love to host and attend parties, but not on a weekly basis. Maybe once every 2 months would be ideal.

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  3. Husband and I have become a little bit more social since we came down to the Florida RV park...but still...days go by and I am inside...

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  4. Husband and I have become a little bit more social since we came down to the Florida RV park...but still...days go by and I am inside...

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  5. When I was young and first married, lots of people came and went, our parties stuffed 40+ into our tiny house. Single in my forties same thing, groups, book clubs, potlucks. Now I have a crowd maybe once every two months. My first husband who was more social than I, most of my sisters are more reclusive now too. Most of my friend interaction is phone or online. I also think moving when you are older seems to sever long time ties and they can be hard to replace.

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  6. Good luck with that. Let me know what you do that works! I just wake up my husband and he is off and running.

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  7. I find myself more and more isolated and love every minute of it. I have a nagging feeling I should fight it, but why, when I'm happy this way?

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  8. Personally, I could happily stay in my home for many days at a time. I have to force myself to get out and be in the world. Often, I then wonder why I did that. Is it bad to enjoy solitude? Are you happy with your life as it is? If so, enjoy and don't fret.

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  9. I find myself more and more isolated and love every minute of it. I have a nagging feeling I should fight it, but why, when I'm happy this way?

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  10. Regular and meaningful social interaction is one of the two factors (being physically active is the second) that studies show conclusively helps to improve quality of life as you grow older. It is up to each of us to determine what regular and meaningful are... you could also talk about the fellowship of your online friends.

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  11. I will be curious to see how your experiment goes. I figure we settle into a routine because we like routines and so do our dogs and my parrots.

    I never thought I would be like my in-laws who never went anywhere and never wanted to, but we're getting there.

    Dog is fine. Dog = center of my universe these days. Dianne

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  12. We have fallen into the same pattern - apart fomr family visits.

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  13. I found the subject very interesting. My daughter the psychologist did some studies of the aging adult and it turns out we do get more discerning about who we choose to be friends with as we grow older. I know that I often profess to having only a number of "friends" that I can count on one hand, but I actually know scads of people. For me, it's my definition of socializing that has changed. I'm actually more open, but I choose to let fewer people see the "real" me, the others I keep at arm's length. I expect nothing from anyone--even friends--and find I no longer are disappointed. When I receive anything from others, therefore, it's a real gift. That's how growing older has affected me. This is a great subject, as I said before. :)

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MEMORIES

I had fun finding Christmas images from my long ago files.  Waking my old computer up to see what I saved.  Waking my memories up....