My mother was often very ill, drunk at night, and attempting to be in control at all times. She had me. She did her best.
I’m an OK mother now. Nothing special now, but until 1983, I truly was an awful mother.
I’d never seen a baby before Margot, and she had colic. Then I went back to work, and she went to a babysitter….and hated it. It was awful leaving her there. She cried, and I cried.
Those were the years I started drinking. Only after we moved to Imperial Beach did I start using drugs. My husband believed that “spanking” would make the kids do their chores. It did not, and the spanking devolved into beatings. I had been beaten with a breadboard. They were beaten with a rosewood board.
I left in 1971, and my Ex and his lover moved north. My drug and alcohol abuse went wild then until hallucinations took over my nights. Margot came back to live with me at the end of this, and Milaka returned a year later. Milaka did it all without getting caught: High school, college, marriage. Margot did it the hard way.
Today I got a card from Milaka and two calls from Margot. I'm there if they need me, I hope they know how much I care. I love them a lot.