October 6, 2007

Anticipation





The G’s at Marie’s program graduation. 2007




I didn’t get much done yesterday. Most of the day was spent on the computer. I’m Duck like in that I can’t really remember what I did. Perhaps I am coming down with G’s cold. Dinner was out….I remember that, and the visit with Duck more than fleeting. At least I remember what I ate probably only because of persistent effort on my part not to become Duck.

Today, a day of unwanted anticipation, we are going up the coast to have lunch with Marie and her sponsor then making a visit to Amvets….the family’s favorite thrift store. Later she will come home with us, after a stop at T-Mobile to change her prepaid account to a monthly contract account, and work with contagious G at her new computer. All very bare bones words for a day of excitement.

This addict alcoholic child of mine has been sober over two years now, and has learned enough that when her last sponsor went out she was immediately able to get another sponsor with long term sobriety. After completing the first phase of her program, she is moving on to the next steps which include schooling and commitments that will bring her into a new life.

For many years she blamed me for everything….and for some things she is right. I am responsible for the mother daughter genetic link to her alcoholism even if I didn’t know it. I was an active drunk when she was growing up. I have apologized over and over for this deeply meaning every word of my apologies. Now she is taking responsibility for her own life and diseases for the first time, and today’s overnighter with us is a big step.

Her life has been a horror story of anger, abuse, homelessness, drugs, alcoholism, children given away for adoption, and heart break. Now that she is clean and sober, she is beginning a long looked forward to fire inspection class which requires a two year commitment to get a degree. Not only has she not been away from her daughter for an overnighter like this, but she hasn’t stayed with us or talked with us for long periods since she began this journey.

Oh, we have talked on the phone. Often, in fact. We have appeared anytime we have been invited anywhere. G has accepted this passionate and mercurial person into his life with warmth. I’m so very grateful for this. He’s a sober step dad who can understand what she’s going through. Now he has built her a Dell laptop for school….you have to have a computer to go to school now. He’s loaded the 30 gig HD with XP, with an older office, with photos of all five of her kids, and she’ll spend a full day with us learning the tricks of it.

There was a funeral scheduled for today. No one told us when and where, so I will send off a note of caring. Love too. There was a birthday party scheduled for a man I work with. I’ve sent regrets citing a family matter. Tho I would have gone to the funeral if I had knows when it was…even taking Marie, spending time with her today is the most important thing.



Me: Walked, wrote, puttered….not an exciting thing in my bones yesterday. Woke with an earache in the night. Clogged this morning. Very fuzzy.

G: Worked while fighting off day 3 of a common cold, poor guy.

Duck: We stopped in briefly to see Duck. “No cold,” he said, “You have cancer.” And laughing he waved us away.

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