December 27, 2007

New Roads

Tree, Utah vacation, 2006.

Most days now are good ones. Yesterday I had a bad day. In the old days I just would have gotten a drink or four and keep drinking over a bad day. These days, all I can do is wait them out. More important than waiting is not thinking. More important even than not thinking is taking some positive action then letting go of what ever it is.

No hanging on and chewing on it like a puppy. No indeed. So I write.

I’d gotten G a new and sleekly styled black leather coat for Christmas. It was WAY to big. Laughingly so with sleeves to his fingertips. Despite my dislike of returning things, this obviously had to be returned during the madhouse of post holiday shopping so he would have a Christmas present.

Yesterday, as Martha and I cleaned, laundered, got the house back in order, not only did I wait for G to come home but for my work to call about working today. No call. Was I to work at all? The house and laundry were done, and no call. Martha went home, I had lunch, and I called work for the umpteenth time…plus email. No call. The boss was in a meeting. I started thinking. Not good. Did they even want me? I emailed. More waiting, more calls, and finally one last call just as G arrives home from work.

Finally. An answer….start work at one thirty. Hurrah. How did I know that I even was to work this day unless they told me.

Coat and receipt in hand, we had no trouble getting the money returned at our local TarJay, but they had no comparable coat in his size. Braving the traffic and freeways, they did not have one at the Mission Valley store either. Giving up on that, we again braved traffic and parking to go to Fashion Valley…the busiest mall in the entire city where we actually found parking. I tell you, JC Penney’s has a great buyer this year. There he found just the coat he wanted and just the coat I wanted for him, at one third the price or the other coat. Nice and sleek and modern styling too, unlike the big shoulder pad look of his brown bomber jacket. We were both very pleased.

Home to the sadness and loss of a friend. Each friendship that parts, whether through death, attrition, distance or lack of communication is a huge loss. Even if the friendship has been damaged, it’s a huge loss to both. Not only is the enriching day to day contact gone, the feedback and the love that go to help make you both who you are is missing while the future of two people has vanished as a new road is taken.

Today will be better than yesterday as I begin traveling my new road. An unwanted road. Each day will be a little better. I will truly feel the loss of this friendship as I find my way into the future.

Duck: There he was watching his TV with his head phones on and not plugged in to the TV. He didn’t even know.

Me: I had a bad day. Today will be a better day.

G: He had a great day at work, and he had a grand day after work. The Bargain King wins again. What more could you want but only a half day at work today.

Weather: 62 for the high. 42 for the low. Cold, dry winds blowing from the desert. Yup, I will dress warmly at work.

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