April 11, 2008

A Process

Marie and MJ, 2008.

Duck: We did “Duck Things” all day. I delighted in the thought that he was new again….whole, no brain damage. G never new him when he was whole.

Me: Thursday, bone tired all day.

G: Depressed. Tired. Came home early and moved stuff in the car.

Work: Padre’s 2008 Schedule.

Game Weather schedule.
While G went off to work to finalize two projects, I started at one end of the garage and had moved toward the middle by the time he got home. Not neatly, mind you. Part of the process of death beyond the grieving is the putting away.

At my mother's death, I wasn't allowed to help with anything. Months later, Bob let us come in and take her clothes away. When a year some later, Marie lost her portion of the silk, furs, and brocades, I mourned mother anew. With G's mother, I helped by making calls and helping clean the apartment. With Bob's death, my mother's third husband, I did everything. This death has touched us equally. Yesterday I sorted. He phoned. We schlepped.

Most of Duck’s clothes went to the Salvation Army….thank you Sally’s Army for helping to take care of him. The worn-beyond-redemption stuff and needing-repair stuff to the Goodwill. The really good stuff to the Cancer Society thrift shop. We took his almost new fancy walker to the nursing home as a donation and noted they haven’t turned on Allie’s TV for her yet. Yes, we have a wealth of thrift stores here in the Midway Area of San Diego.

I was dragging and he was silent by the time we were ready to pull the truck back in to the garage. It wouldn’t start. G had to explain to me how a vehicle battery is only rated by years. It doesn’t matter how little a car or truck is driven, if it is a six year battery, that battery lasts six years. We had a five year battery that lasted six years. We now have an eight year battery.

Today and tomorrow we are driving up to Escondido to help Marie move into her first home of her own in sobriety. She needs a ride to the agency to sign the papers, so today we will take up most of the new bed leaving the cab clear for the three of us. Tomorrow we will meet Marie, her friends, and her sister…..Marie said it was “…mandatory that I be there,” to get her moved in to her new cottage.

She is very worried about being cut off from her support system. She’s just being moved around in it, I told her. By way of keeping her grounded, I reminded her to call her sponsor and go to a meeting. That made her laugh.

We filled up Grumpy’s gas tank. We have not fully recovered from the shock.


  1. I wonder at you living a life where even in death and upheaval one is not allowed time to crawl. It took our family months to get to the point of sorting, giving away, and moving on to new challenges. I just hope there are some quiet moments in private for you and G. to share some solace.

  2. Dear Lilalia........again this morning, I couldn't leave you a note. My antique computer likes everyone on the web but you. And it is you I want to leave a note to.

    We did have a few hours Thursday, and yesterday afternoon we had three hours where we just turned into silent veggies. Today we hope to be in and out in short order as the temperature will be very high ....in the 90's. This afternoon perhaps we will make time for a picnic on the bay. We are still very reactive because of Duck's death.


What a delight to get a note from you. Thanks for leaving one.


George coming down Peter’s hall that’s lined with wood and artifacts from wonderful ocean liners of the past .             We ...