April 21, 2008

Trust






Carrie and
Georgette before dinner, 4/21/08. Photo: G.




Duck: Mailed a sheet with pictures to those in his address book yesterday. The Kinko’s kid was on some unique downer, and we were in a hurry. Of course their color copier broke.

Me: Got Duck notifications done and in the mail. Had a marvelous light-bulb moment dinner with Carrie. Today: call Bee and newspaper. Doctor this afternoon about aches, pains, and spots.

G: I bet after a weekend with me, work is a peaceful place to be.

Work: Padre’s 2008 Schedule.
Game Weather schedule.

Cruise:
Mexican Riveria Cruise Reviews
Trust, that’s all it boils down to, trust.

It took Carrie to point it out. Why couldn’t I resolve or let go of the Ba issue? Why was I still chewing on it how ever many times I let it go? Why did the unresolved insist on coming back. Dr. Jay, our resident shrink, said that this was typically Ba. It was her way of getting rid of us, of pushing us all away so she could move on without excess baggage.

I could see clearly that her words didn’t match my deeds.

“You are toxic to me,” she said. “I’ve been trying to talk with you for a year….” But she hadn’t; G agreed. I, in my slowness and thickness, didn’t understand after 25 years with a very open, sharing friendship.

Perhaps Carrie could see the issue so clearly because of all her years as a nurse, of all her years of working with patients and families. Maybe I looked like a patient yesterday tho I felt like family. It only took a few questions to reach the heart of the matter. Trust.

If there could be resolution there would be a letting go. There will be no resolution as this is a second time.

How does one parse the word “Trust.”

Openness. That’s trust.

After dinner, a tired Carrie invited us over to her house to view not just the new changes to her home, but to reveal a blossoming Carrie. She is inching comfortably into herself now six months after her husband’s death. New bright red slipcovers in her living room. Terra-cotta and wicker on a once box filled side deck. Brilliant. A few tears. We stayed only moments as hordes of guests had just left and one other was soon expected.

What else is trust?

3 comments:

  1. Trust is my word for this year. What it is; where it went; how to find it; how to give it... somewhere along the way it faded and I would like to feel it in my heart again. I miss it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good to see you and your friend sharing a laugh.
    Trust I suppose books have been written about it. The word caused hurt feeling at home years ago when my husband said "I trust you to do what you have done." Which to me said I don't believe that you will continue to be trustworthy.

    When I trust someone I expect they won't lie to me. I have been disappointed many times.

    ReplyDelete

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