I found myself talking with MB last night with my best “Poor me” attitude right out there in front like a flag.
“Oh, Poor me has to go work ten days, three off then ten again. Oh poor me I can’t do it. Oh, poor me, I’m wearing out.”
Well, that may be true, but I don’t have to start out with that attitude. Yes, It’s really hard for me. Yes, I’m not holding up well…….as usual. Yes, the heat has gotten to me……as usual, and yes, the long hours have thrown my body and soul askew. Lastly, yes too, I absolutely, positively need to bestir my thinking out of the dark hole of Calcutta into which it’s fallen.
Right now, this second, I am fine. My problem is that I’m anticipating misery, sickness, ugliness, and a daily increasing physical tiredness that will lead to more of all of the above. Ugly thinking. Ugly anticipation leading to depression.
Financially I want to get through the season. We are rapidly heading into the plus column monetarily, and anything I earn can be turned to savings for things like trips, trips, a new computer, trips. Laughter and smiles too. What I don’t’ want is more trips to the doc stirred by my overly rapid wearing out en re standing so many hours. I need to talk to my money person about retiring too.
Does anticipation and depression lead to conversations comprised of, “Yeah buts….?” Yes. After an hour being kindly poked by Bee this morning, I’m laughing again.
We shared art. I delighted in introducing her to Studio Ruthe’s weekend of contemporary art…..she says not together. The fiber art of YINKA SHONIBARE stirred me to smiles, and the dramatic dip-ditch photography of Mitchell Gosar carried us beyond ourselves.
It’s just what I needed right then. And it’s just what I need right now. Bee reminds me that I need to dangle a prize in front of my nose. As in today I will: Buy that lace bra, eat that brownie, go to a bookstore before work. A prize. A bribe.
She assures me that prizes do help too. So do friends. “Call any time,” she says. And so I will.