January 31, 2009


I have a little glass heart frame. Once, long ago, I put a picture of G in it when he was a tow truck driver wearing a hat with flames to match his truck. Then years later, I changed the picture to one of him standing in the middle of a field of flowers. Scanning journal 33, I found the outside of one with the inside of the other….basic perfection.

Blogging: Taking a few days off this week to give my hand a rest. I’ll be back.

Himself: He comes home now smiling and singing….such a change from all those years of depression.

Herself: Used hand vastly less. Did exercises, stretches, forgot to ice, took ibuprofen but sparingly and with food while wearing myself out leaping back into life. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at yourself. I actually caught myself saying, do I really do all that in a day?

Balance: Being able to sort and price books at the thrift store.

Caught my attention: The Elliptical Saloon is the new home for “The Weblog of the White House Museum.org.” This is not at all to be confused with the official ”WhiteHouse.gov”. The blog and museum site give you the best viewpoint of the building and its historic changes anywhere on the web. The downside is that the sites are vastly overloaded.

The sky is a lovely cold blue. It’s going to be a beautiful day our there. We are going to be out there in it too.

Yes, laundry waits to be done. It’s always there.

Yes too, last night was eat at home and tonight is out with the Johns. I’m finding I’m backward on things like this more and more these days. Not only do I lose appointments and days, I often can’t find words, or they can’t find me. Waving my arms to indicate what I’m talking about doesn’t cut it. I feel like a dolt in public, but in private I know I have had another, or two, small strokes. I’m being whittled away, and I know it.

I always wondered if my brilliant mother knew she was fading into fuzziness, and I wondered if she knew what she was missing. My greatest fear was getting fuzzy in my old age just as she was doing. Now I am, yet I know that once I was far more facile with words, ideas, and poked at those around me into partaking in changing the world.

These days, I am an awfully quiet me. I try to convince myself that the small things I do are good for not just me but for some other’s around me. Then again, much of what I do is caretaking. Basic maintenance on me and little time for others. It seems a natural progress. One thing I do is to I tell newly sober people to brush their teeth, and they look at me as if my head was bolted on sideways. Sometimes they are not capable of getting to the point of brushing their teeth….but I say it anyway.

Perhaps my whacking away here is another way of giving back. “Brush your teeth,” I say to you all. I remind myself that if you are here you don’t need the basics.

“Walk, do sit ups, get moving,” I say to remind myself that I always need the basics no matter what.

1 comment:

  1. Nice picture, interesting blending too. I thought of you this week as I bought 2 books at a friend-of-the-library sale for $2 each! A cookbook from Algonquin and "Girls with Grandmother Faces," a book I wish all women could read. Due to your influence, I'm going to brush my teeth as soon as I finish this note. If this is you fading away, what must you have been in your prime when you weren't fighting other demons. And did you ever mistakenly type in whitehouse.COM instead of whitehouse.gov? (Tip: it might be better if you never do!)


What a delight to get a note from you. Thanks for leaving one.


Peter in front of a wall sculpture. We were invited up to Peter Knego’s home to see the latest installation.   Abstract flat ...