November 14, 2009

How the Mighty Hath Fallen




My coffee table, end table, Parsons table filled with the detritus of life at DSA.




Himself: To a job fair with his friend Norbert then to the museum till 4. Pick me up at 4:30pm, and out to dinner with the feasters.

Herself: Editing journals for NoJoMo. Nightmares last night about saving myself and parts of myself in a post apocalyptical world.

Reading: Still the JD Robb….which can be contributing to the nightmares.

Balance: Waking up at five and feeling good anyway.

October 30:
Any damn fool can drink himself to death.

November 2:
Jo found out why she had been passing out all the time and everywhere for the last year. After a massive battery of tests, the doctors first told her it was all in her head. When she was in her doctor’s office to have the stitches out from her breast biopsy, the doctor asked out of the blue how long she had heart trouble. She replied that this was the first that she had heard of it. It appears that all her life she has fainted. Now she is on medication that seems to work. She hates the side effects though, and she is mad at the doctors for not catching it sooner.

Mother is better. She is out of the hospital, and she came to call yesterday. She helped me hem up Margot’s ROTC uniform pants and showed me a new stitch. I enjoyed her company, but I was awfully uncontrolled, loud, and brassy…very unsure of myself.

November 15
My God! The amount of wine I have been consuming lately has been enough to sink a battleship. I do clearly want to live, and so I got my body to a shrink. (Do you realize that if the average person drank all that, they would be dead?)

Write down everything you drink, my therapist says, and write also what happens around you. I can write that Margot is crying about the amount of dishes that she has to do, for she has put off doing them too many days. And too, I can write that by eleven at night the sound of the surf is all that you can hear. I write that last hangover down in the back of my journal.

December 16
Drinking too much again. The last four days have been a torture. I am constantly making direct comparisons between this attempt to stop drinking and my struggle to overcome drugs. It seems even harder to stop drinking. Is it always going to be this way? Will I someday be the person I want to be?

December 17
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Hal came by with a Christmas gift for me today. The first year we knew each other, he gave me a ruby ring. The second year her brought a plant in a beautiful Japanese pot, and this year he brought a plastic coffee cup.

2 comments:

  1. Such a journey. Almost like a movie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is like a movie. And to think it happened to you. It must astound you to read this after all these years between. Looking forward to the next installment.

    ReplyDelete

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