At AA meetings, we don’t discuss drug addiction, but I was a very low bottom addict. A good handful of street speed would keep me going all through the days and nights. When the hallucinations got too bad and I became strung out, 25 hits would let me sleep. I became homeless, and my children survived by living with their dad. My world was insane, and the only thing I longed for was inner peace to silence the madness in my mind. I quit drugs years before I stopped drinking.
I wasn’t the worst drunk you had ever seen. By the time I reached my bottom point, I had a job and a cottage and a ten color car. Still I was miserable. I looked for love in all the wrong places. I was severely depressed. I’d go to work at my starter job with some of the worst, shakey hangovers ever known. My hangovers were so bad that I couldn’t drink for days. I was unable to see that this was really end stage alcoholism as my body had began shutting down.
Today, I have the material things that keep life comfortable, but better than that I have that inner peace I longed for during those really bad years. Sometimes during this 28 year climb back, I had no idea what was happening around me. It took me 12 years to understand AA well enough to be able to use the tools they offered. It’s taken me even more years to learn the things most folks learn as children
I will always be an addict and alcoholic, but just today I am in recovery. Just today is pretty darned good.