I spoke briefly the other day and my words, which probably made no sense to the newcomers in the room, were that one has to keep growing. Has to keep going forward.
I often feel as if I am a one horse shay….a one cause me. Often I feel I got stuck in the 1970’s with my passions, and stopped making changes in myself post divorce and madness. By the time I got to college the second time, I sensed a fuzzy wall between my passions and the world. And today, it’s still there.
I’ve had enough of bitterness and nastiness everywhere especially in politics. My world isn’t ruled by the thinking of others much less the blindness that drives much of the conservatives. My sense of humor is more focused on positive wellness than negative no’s. My sense of focus is on wellness’s too. Take my pills and sprays and smile anyway. Go to the gym not because I want to but because I have to. Take more pills so I can move. Ah, reality indeed. Smile more.
Yet, I volunteer for the Cancer Society because I want to. I write because I want to also; but these are not very big horses to fulfill a new me. I take pictures because I want to also. Then again, perhaps I cannot see who I am now through that glaze of fuzziness. I know I do some wonderful things, but I need to find new ways to see myself flying free. I will, I remind myself. I, who has recently given up the two defining things of quilting and the writing group, poke myself.
- Himself: Estate Sales, Docenting, Took me off to see “Robot and Frank.” Laughter, Moving, touching. It brought my friend Duck right back to me.
- Herself: Got a mini Cuisinart for ten bucks, fixed my first pizza, deeply touched and moved by the movie, ate too many M&M’s again. A good day.
- Grumpy: Back in the shop again….yes, there’s a song in there somewhere. Clutch cable shredded and caught in the housing. I told the service writer that when they made a SUV that got 40 MPG, I'd trade him in.
- Reading: Made a mistake and started three books at once. One cooking, one civil war, and one mystery. Not good.
- Balance: Scattered despite myself.