June 1, 2013


Happy tenth birthday Stassa.

Granddaughter Stassa is having her tenth birthday this weekend.  I’ve never met her, but I know she is in a wonderful, loving home.  So is granddaughter Beth with her Carrie.  So are grandkids Ryah and David.  In this family, Love has a lot of different open arms.

Beth with niece Carrie.

I made a decision early in my sobriety to back off and stay out of the way.  I knew I wasn’t very healthy, and I knew I did a very poor job raising my kids in an actively alcoholic home.  If nurture had anything to do with alcoholism, I thought that all my grandkids would be healthier without my input.  As a result, I’ve never gotten to know any of them very well.  I really miss that. 

Ryah and David.  2013.

My grandmother Maudie was my special source of non-judgmental love.  When I was small, I didn’t realize that she had only $85.00 dollars a month to live on, I only knew that any visit with her was always magical.  We’d have her special tuna salad.  Perhaps I’d be allowed to walk on top of a wall or two on the way to the store.  We would build houses and worlds out of clay.  I knew these small things were always filled with love.  Today, I know I wasn’t very nice to her either as a teen and young adult.

With their mom Ellie in the center of three of her five adoptive children.  Beth, Aaron, and Court always know they are loved.  2013.

I’ve always been grateful that any family with our grandkids has invited us into their worlds.  The Geezer has loved these kids as much as I have.  We learned about soccer, and we plugged our ears and smiled through band practice.  There’s been the theater and Border Patrol camps.  There’s been long silences too.  I’ve hated those.  I’ve said nothing as anything I said was taken the wrong way.

Their much loved sister Zoe lives in a home where her mom had to learn to be a mom. 

But love keeps on going no matter what you do.  I used to wonder at those grandmother’s who kept pictures all over their house.  Now I’m a grandmother who keeps those pictures all over her hard drive. 

Mohave, first cousin and sister, at her high school prom.  2013.

Love is a special thing…indeed.

  • Keeping those on the Midwest and east coast in my thoughts.

  • Himself:  His stuffiness turned into a full blown cold.

  • Herself:  I kissed him on the lips.  I just learned my quiet and kind friend Hank had died.  I loved him too.

  • Reading:  Just finished “The Girl Who Heard Dragons.”

  • Balance:  Today’s focus will be on the Geezer. 


    1. Beautiful. Courageous. Honest. Authentic. The true meaning of love is here.

    2. Not sure how you are related to all these lovely people, but they seem to be surviving in spite of your absence or presence in their lives. Forgive yourself and they will forgive you. You seem to have finally made all the right choices and that is what counts.

    3. Take care of Geezer. If only love could cure a cold...

      I'm not sure of all the history/details, nor am I asking to be privy to this information, so interesting and loving and as Sally said, corageous. Nameste Mage

    4. Even though you made a decision years ago, maybe at this time of your life, you are an inspiration.....loved the many photos....

    5. Beautful children. Sometimes I wonder if I was a very good mother. My focus was often on the alcoholic. Dianne

    6. RET said it better than I could. You have faced and continue to face hard things. Your journey and your love inspire and encourage me.

    7. I have often represented parents in court when they make the decision to allow their children to be placed for adoption. It is always a most difficult decision for them, no matter how bad of a situation they are in in their life. But I have always felt so bad for the grandparents. They also are losing a very special relationship, but are often not in any position themselves to step in. Your love for them shines through, and to have them in such loving and good homes is the best gift of all that you could give to them. Hugs.

    8. Just popped over from Pat's blog, and I too don't know how you are related to all these different family members but as an adopted person, with adopted children I can relate to some of the things you've said.

    9. Oh Mage... I'm so sorry for what you've missed out on. It's never too late though. This could be the time to reach out. You have a beautiful family and you have a beautiful heart to share.

    10. I echo what Retired English Teacher says.


    What a delight to get a note from you. Thanks for leaving one.


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