November 5, 2016

Sunshine and Crowds

Rarely do I get depressed, but this week I have been slightly down and out.  Not badly, but I let my aloneness come out from behind my words.

I had gotten used to crowds gathering for any reason in my living room.  In the late sixties and early seventies, many dinners were ten or more.  Even when I wasn’t sane, there were always gatherings where ever I lived or in the bars I visited.  Groups of us sat on the beach together every day.  Often I would cook dinner and flee to a favorite bar afterwards.  I was certainly was craving love and company.  We are all scattered now, but I still really miss those friends.

Reading about Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s early years of marriage reduced me to sorrow.  Her son had been kidnapped and killed.  She then had to suffer through the trial and the always hounding by reporters worsened until there was no place she felt safe.  Her diaries and letters were a touchstone as I regained my sanity.

I live with a man who has to force himself to be social.  No reporters hound us, but retreat into solitude is his natural action.  He easily gets depressed.  Now he lives with a sunshine light next to his computer and his humor flows easily again.  Perhaps I too need a lamp especially during winter months.  My hour a day in the sun at the pool doesn’t seem enough when I read sad materials.  

Today my skin is ruined, but my soul rejoices in the sunshine. 


  • Himself:  Out to breakfast, to the museum, then to IKEA for lightbulbs and Costco.

  • Herself:  Getting some sunshine, back to the store to reshoot the front window, starting the inventory, quilting in my new organized space, IKEA, and Costco.

  • 52 Week House Reorganization:  Creating a home inventory.  We do need one for insurance purposes.

  • Reading:  The AML bio.

  • Gratitudes:  That I am feeling pretty good today.


    1. I definitely need sunshine. I don't need it warm, but I need sun. I could never live in the PNW.

    2. The clocks go back tonight and the long nights can be depressing. Six weeks and the sun heads back again...I have to remind myself. Hope the feelings of today continue for you!

    3. Currently reading Susan Cain's "Quiet" about introverts. I see myself there, but not as dynamic as some of her examples. What makes me depressed, but not clinically, is the desire to be left alone and feeling guilty about it. I love my family and friends so very much, and am so thankful, but would not seek them out if I did not have guilt. Your depression is from the complexity of your prior life, but why should I tell you that? You know it. You are on a very healing road and that is a good thing. Don't look back, just focus on each day.

    4. We could live in Alaska in the summer and Argentina in the winter.

    5. I am like that man, at least in preferring a quieter sort of life. I don't often get down though.


    What a delight to get a note from you. Thanks for leaving one.


    Peter in front of a wall sculpture. We were invited up to Peter Knego’s home to see the latest installation.   Abstract flat ...