Rarely do I get depressed,
but this week I have been slightly down and out. Not badly, but I let my aloneness come out
from behind my words.
I had gotten used to crowds
gathering for any reason in my living room.
In the late sixties and early seventies, many dinners were ten or
more. Even when I wasn’t sane, there
were always gatherings where ever I lived or in the bars I visited. Groups of us sat on the beach together every
day. Often I would cook dinner and flee
to a favorite bar afterwards. I was
certainly was craving love and company.
We are all scattered now, but I still really miss those friends.
Reading about Anne Morrow
Lindbergh’s early years of marriage reduced me to sorrow. Her son had been kidnapped and killed. She then had to suffer through the trial and
the always hounding by reporters worsened until there was no place she felt
safe. Her diaries and letters were a
touchstone as I regained my sanity.
I live with a man who has
to force himself to be social. No
reporters hound us, but retreat into solitude is his natural action. He easily gets depressed. Now he lives with a sunshine light next to
his computer and his humor flows easily again.
Perhaps I too need a lamp especially during winter months. My hour a day in the sun at the pool doesn’t
seem enough when I read sad materials.
Today my skin is ruined,
but my soul rejoices in the sunshine.
I definitely need sunshine. I don't need it warm, but I need sun. I could never live in the PNW.
ReplyDeleteThe clocks go back tonight and the long nights can be depressing. Six weeks and the sun heads back again...I have to remind myself. Hope the feelings of today continue for you!
ReplyDeleteCurrently reading Susan Cain's "Quiet" about introverts. I see myself there, but not as dynamic as some of her examples. What makes me depressed, but not clinically, is the desire to be left alone and feeling guilty about it. I love my family and friends so very much, and am so thankful, but would not seek them out if I did not have guilt. Your depression is from the complexity of your prior life, but why should I tell you that? You know it. You are on a very healing road and that is a good thing. Don't look back, just focus on each day.
ReplyDeleteWe could live in Alaska in the summer and Argentina in the winter.
ReplyDeleteI am like that man, at least in preferring a quieter sort of life. I don't often get down though.
ReplyDelete