May 7, 2016

Those Mother's

Mother with Bob in front. I’m on top. Margot with Her lover and Milaka with William.

My mother was often very ill, drunk at night, and attempting to be in control at all times.  She had me.  She did her best.

I’m an OK mother now.  Nothing special now, but until 1983, I truly was an awful mother. 

I’d never seen a baby before Margot, and she had colic.  Then I went back to work, and she went to a babysitter….and hated it.  It was awful leaving her there.  She cried, and I cried.

Those were the years I started drinking.  Only after we moved to Imperial Beach did I start using drugs.  My husband believed that “spanking” would make the kids do their chores.  It did not, and the spanking devolved into beatings.  I had been beaten with a breadboard.  They were beaten with a rosewood board.

I left in 1971, and my Ex and his lover moved north.  My drug and alcohol abuse went wild then until hallucinations took over my nights.  Margot came back to live with me at the end of this, and Milaka returned a year later.  Milaka did it all without getting caught: High school, college, marriage.  Margot did it the hard way.

Today I got a card from Milaka and two calls from Margot.  I'm there if they need me, I hope they know how much I care.  I love them a lot.


  1. I love this post, your honesty and courage shine through. You got out of horrible situations created by others, then escaped the situation you created as well. You are mending the relationship with your girls and creating your best life ever. I am happy for you and your family.

    Happy Mother's Day

  2. Being a mother does not come easily for most of us.

  3. Your courage that led to survival and growth inspires me. Blessings to you on this day.

  4. You went through a very dark valley and came through in to the sunshine. I am sure your are very grateful to be here today.

  5. Happy Mothers Day and every day...and every moment. We are here. Yes, we made it and we are making it! xoxo c!

  6. Hope your Mother's Day was filled with happiness and contentment.

  7. You've had a tough life and your kids too. Your husband was very wrong. We've all been wrong, but he was very wrong.

  8. I love your honesty. I must admit that I am a terrible mother though only the youngest one seems to realize it.
    You write beautifully. Your photos are outstanding. Mahalo (thank you) for sharing.

  9. I agree. This is a very honest post without recrimination or excuse. I admire your courage, Mage. I admire your strength to come out of all this and try to move on and build up. You are an amazing, gifted person.


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