My mother was often very
ill, drunk at night, and attempting to be in control at all times. She had me.
She did her best.
I’m an OK mother now. Nothing special now, but until 1983, I truly
was an awful mother.
I’d never seen a baby
before Margot, and she had colic. Then I
went back to work, and she went to a babysitter….and hated it. It was awful leaving her there. She cried, and I cried.
Those were the years I
started drinking. Only after we moved to
Imperial Beach did I start using drugs.
My husband believed that “spanking” would make the kids do their
chores. It did not, and the spanking
devolved into beatings. I had been
beaten with a breadboard. They were
beaten with a rosewood board.
I left in 1971, and my Ex
and his lover moved north. My drug and alcohol
abuse went wild then until hallucinations took over my nights. Margot came back to live with me at the end
of this, and Milaka returned a year later.
Milaka did it all without getting caught: High school, college,
marriage. Margot did it the hard way.
Today I got a card from
Milaka and two calls from Margot. I'm there if they need me, I hope they know how much I care. I love them a lot.
I love this post, your honesty and courage shine through. You got out of horrible situations created by others, then escaped the situation you created as well. You are mending the relationship with your girls and creating your best life ever. I am happy for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day
Being a mother does not come easily for most of us.
ReplyDeleteLots of love to you!
ReplyDeleteYour courage that led to survival and growth inspires me. Blessings to you on this day.
ReplyDeleteYou went through a very dark valley and came through in to the sunshine. I am sure your are very grateful to be here today.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mothers Day and every day...and every moment. We are here. Yes, we made it and we are making it! xoxo c!
ReplyDeleteHope your Mother's Day was filled with happiness and contentment.
ReplyDeleteYou've had a tough life and your kids too. Your husband was very wrong. We've all been wrong, but he was very wrong.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. I must admit that I am a terrible mother though only the youngest one seems to realize it.
ReplyDeleteYou write beautifully. Your photos are outstanding. Mahalo (thank you) for sharing.
I agree. This is a very honest post without recrimination or excuse. I admire your courage, Mage. I admire your strength to come out of all this and try to move on and build up. You are an amazing, gifted person.
ReplyDelete